Str8t No Chaser Blog

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Paying the Co$t to be the Bo$$

re·spon·si·bil·i·ty

noun

the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.

synonyms: authority, control, power, leadership

“a job with greater responsibility”

the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.

       “the group has claimed responsibility for a string of murders”

synonyms: blame, fault, guilt, culpability, liability

“they denied responsibility for the bomb attack”

the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.

        “we would expect individuals lower down the organization to take on more    responsibility”

As a divorced mom, my daily routine includes making decisions for my children and their future endeavors.  I use all the information I have and investigate every option of each situation and include my children in the decision process.  We go over the pros and cons and move forward. This responsibility is great because at the end of the day I deal with the outcome.

So, why this conversation? Let me explain….  It takes two people to create a child and even if that relationship does not last the responsibility should still be shared equally.  As the custodial parent I, of course, am in the presence of my children all the time, but t=does that mean the non-custodial parent should have no contact or be a part of everyday living?  I think is a choice, not one made by the children but by the parent. I have maintained a home phone (which I do not need in this day and age) just to provide a way of communication without me.  

With all of that said, does the communication happen?? NO!! And the reason I am given is “They don’t call me”.  WTF…. what kind of crap is that. We are talking about children, ages 3 and 7, now 9 and 13.

Now my dilemma, Am I wrong not to call and inform of every decision that we make?  Let me digress a little. My kiddos are very active and involved in several things and also have big dreams.  I have supported and guided their steps to achieve ALL of their endeavors mentally, physically and financially BY MYSELF.  

My daughter is an aspiring actress and model.  We have trained with professional models and actors (at a cost$$) to get her where she is now.  She has walked in NYFW, several fashion shows throughout the states and just earned IMDB credits for her role in a short film.  She is currently auditioning for new productions and has decided to also pursue a clothing line.

My son plays travel basketball and is an aspiring musician.  I have discovered that “he as bars” or in layman’s terms can rap.  Anyone familiar with these two talents knows that the cost is high to get started and maintain but the outcome is great.  My son has attended the CP3 Middle School Combine, invited to play with his team at the jrNBA World Championship and invited to Phenom America’s 150 camp for rising high schoolers.  He will be in the studio this summer recording his first 5 tracks, started a custom design T-Shirt business and with his sister decided to pursue a clothing line.

Back to my dilemma, Why does a person feel they are entitled to be a part of any decision or any final outcome when you had nothing to do with the process?  When you are aware of all the extracurricular activities they are involved with but do not ask or contribute at all. Never a call to say do you need funds to help with acting class?  Do you need me to take one of them somewhere? Nothing….. Just proud of the fact that you pay child support every two weeks.

Well, my perspective is this.  Hell No!! Not with a big ego or conceit, just true facts… I spend countless nights and days finding opportunities that align with these kiddos dreams and goals, I invest everything I have, and then some, into making these opportunities possible and I deal with the mental and physical training of these Superstars.  Your response….”Well, you guys make your decisions without me”… we sure do, when you do not take the time to be a part of everyday living we do not have the time or desire to consult you on decisions we make.

At the end of the day, these kiddos are happy, healthy, living their dreams, setting goals and accomplishing them, respectful and responsible.  I support them 365 days of every year…. And that means “I Pay the Cost to Be the BOSS”.

Unapologetically D

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Overwhelmed but Overjoyed

Have you ever had those days when you just don’t know how you are going to make it? I mean literally MAKE IT!  You are so mentally and physically tired that you want to quit, but you know you have a long way to go before you can rest?  What do you do?

It is so easy to crawl under the covers and retreat and give up but that is not the answer, especially since after the retreat you find you are further behind than ever.  This was me! As a single mom with two very active children that are pursuing their dreams and myself always grinding, everyday life was wearing me down. I had to figure out how to manage everyone and everything.  Friends recommending this planner and that inspirational journal and all these other items on the market did not help. (15 different books with different ways to do things is ridiculous. Why don’t these folks collaborate and create one journal that covers everything?)  Who has time to sit down and write in this journal and that notebook?

After feeling like a hamster on the wheel not getting anywhere I finally gave in and retreated.  Several days of nothing, I did the bare minimum needed to get through the day and then I had an epiphany. I cannot be All things to All people.  I have to determine MY GOAL and work on that.  Anyone who knows me knows that when I became a Mother, my children, where my GOAL, and as they grow and mature their goals and needs change thus I change.

Sometimes I face scrutiny because I sacrifice my time and social life grinding for myself and my children and it made me think hard but I realized that this is who I am.  My heart guides my actions and decisions and my mind makes the path.  I am a Mama Bear and it is my duty to guide my cubs onto their paths of greatness.  My role does not change just because they are choosing paths of entrepreneurship or a path that is not usual for children their age.  

The Momager…..At an early age, I watched my daughter act out full-blown scripts with her dolls with full direction and eloquent dialogue.  We went to one session that introduced kids to acting and she blew my mind and there our journey began. Her mind was made up that she wanted to act and also model.

The Sports Mom and Agent….  Next, I move to my son.  True entrepreneur. He has found his voice and place in music and on the basketball court.  We have been in the gym since age 5 and still going strong. Then recently I heard him “spit some bars” and I was floored.  Where did this come from? Who’s child is this? Beats and studio time, please!!!

So, where am I now? I am out of retreat and back on the grind.  I realized that everything is not going to be perfect and I cannot do everything.  Between basketball, acting, auditions, studio time, regular life and oh, did I mention as a family we are now in the customized apparel business also, I will be Overwhelmed but I am also Overjoyed.  We are working on and living out our dreams through quiet chaos. When that overwhelming feeling hits I just sit down, have a glass of wine, take a few deep breaths and press on.

It Always Seems Impossible Until It’s Done!

          Dreams Don’t Work Unless You Do!  

 

Unapologetically D

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Rainy Days at Zoo Atlanta

My crew and I had the privilege of having a guided tour at Zoo Atlanta yesterday and let me tell you it was a Great experience. When you typically go to the zoo, you and your family just enjoy looking at the animals and maybe reading some of the signs provided with a little history; but when Mr. Carvel gives you a tour you learn so much more.

He explained in depth how a zoo operates in relation to the animals they care for, the breeding process, how and what animals they can care for.  My kiddos were impressed with the knowledge this one man had on every inhabitant of the Atlanta Zoo.  It has sparked a fire in the youngest, who loves animals, to join their teen volunteer program when she is old enough.

The programs and activities available at the Zoo now seem so more appealing than before.  We are planning an overnight stay at Nightcrawler to get the behind the scenes experience.   As a homeschooling family, this experience served as a day of relaxation from modeling and basketball but met all our criteria as a day of learning… How cool is that!

If you have ridden by Zoo Atlanta lately, you may have noticed the construction going on, they are working on The Grand New View which is slated to open to the public in 2019.

I am excited about all the new excitement happening at Zoo Atlanta.

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South Carolina Bound

The Daughter Hat…

Having a mom with Alzheimer’s makes you realize that you must cherish each and every moment as you live them… There is no predictor that lets you know when and if they can be wiped away.  So this weekend I am heading to SC to hang with my mom Ms. Lil while my dad attends a business trip.

Making memories for me and the kiddos with Ms. Lil is What it’s All About!  We are dancing and singing and being silly making new memories each moment of each day.

Let’s get you up to speed on Alzheimer’s… here are some facts from my greatest resource   www.alz.org .

Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia, a general term for memory loss and other cognitive abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of dementia cases.

Alzheimer’s is not a normal part of aging. The greatest known risk factor is increasing age, and the majority of people with Alzheimer’s are 65 and older. But Alzheimer’s is not just a disease of old age. Approximately 200,000 Americans under the age of 65 have younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease (also known as early-onset Alzheimer’s).

Alzheimer’s worsens over time. Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, where dementia symptoms gradually worsen over a number of years. In its early stages, memory loss is mild, but with late-stage Alzheimer’s, individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment. Alzheimer’s is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. Those with Alzheimer’s live an average of eight years after their symptoms become noticeable to others, but survival can range from four to 20 years, depending on age and other health conditions.

We are at the point where we have to direct everything she does but we make it fun with laughs and silly faces all day long. Her steps may be slower but her “boogey is still good”,  we set the tv to the blues channel and dance all day.

Alzheimer’s is a debilitating disease. For me, it affects the family members and friends worse than the person themselves.  As a family we watch a vibrant, loving person go backward in time almost to infancy.  In quiet moments it hurts my soul but at the end of the day, I know that God has a reason for everything and everything that happens has a reason.

So for now, we Make Memories every day and I am begging you to do the same!!